When ‘rescuing’ a sedated crow from a war zone, no balloons are allowed. I tranq’d it, it flopped to the ground sound asleep, and I finally got my answer. I’m trying to perform important balloon science, here! After killing everyone, I looked around for the crows, and saw one land on top of a pole. Another chance! As I took aim I heard another sound, the iconic exclamation point sound of a guard spotting you while you shoot darts at crows. I suddenly heard “Caw, caw” as two more crows flew over my head. Eh, I’ll just balloon a few more.)Įventually, I shot everyone dead, and still unable to reach my sleepy crow, I gave up and entered the compound. (Also, two of my men were needlessly dead due to my crow fixation. It limped through the air across the valley and exploded against a cliff as 5,000 BossBux were immediately deducted from my bank account to buy a new chopper. The helicopter, however, was completely shot to shit. As the chopper arrived, I noticed with horror that I’d summoned it to the exact spot where the crow was sleeping, so rather than help the chopper fight the Soviets, I just watched worriedly from a distance, hoping my feathered friend wouldn’t get hurt. So, I did what any grizzled veteran would do when he’s almost dead because a napping crow distracted him: I called in air support. Also, I stopped to mark the crow’s location (with a ‘C’ appropriately enough), and taking the time to do that got me shot up even more. The alarm was sounded, and I was ripped up by bullets and forced to dodge mortar rounds. The Russian soldier who walked up behind me while I was standing in the middle of the street staring at a sleeping crow wasn’t sure either, but he was pretty sure I shouldn’t be there at all. I wondered if I could steal a truck, drive it over, and climb on top of it, but I wasn’t sure. There was no ladder, and nothing adjacent I could use to climb and jump over. Problem: it didn’t fall to the ground, and there didn’t seem to be a way to climb up onto the tanks to attach a balloon. That’s when a crow flew over my head, and while my first thought was “Why are there only ever crows in games? There are a billion kinds of birds, but in games it’s always crows.” My second thought: “Hey, can I balloon that crow?” The crow landed on some tanks on a raised platform near me, so shot it with the tranq gun and it fell asleep. I’d been tasked with rescuing an engineer from a camp, and as night fell I crept past the barricades, marking foes and planning my approach. Unfortunately, I became curious about this while I was in the middle of a mission.
After ballooning friendlies, enemies, bears, sheep, and one adorable dog, I naturally became curious as to whether I could attach a balloon to a crow. I’ve only just begun playing Phantom Pain, having spent most of the past two weeks on Mad Max (opens in new tab), so I’m still firmly in the You Can Attach Balloons To Everything? phase of the game. This happened while I was streaming on our Twitch channel, the webcam in the top right was my genuine reaction the moment it happened. I watch his sleeping head explode through the sights of my gun. There is a pregnant pause as I think maybe I prevented the inevitable. He begins to limply fall towards the ground in a race against Quiet’s pinpoint aim. Everything is still in slow motion as I squeeze the trigger and my target instantly falls asleep.
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